But SCS is the highest level I could go now. Not looking forward for any posting to command school because I think people don't think I'm good enough. But whatever the posting is, I just have to lanlan suck thumb and just be it.
But the most regretful thing is I didn't cherish any chance that surface right in front of me. All the relationship, all the crushes I had. The closest I felt and the most heartbreaking one is the only girl who gave me this feeling... Her name is Sheila. She makes me open up to Christian girls all over again. She has so many things in common with me. I thought she will be interested in me,but no... After trying asking her out as a normal friend outing, she somehow read my thought and rejected me and mentioning that things is getting awkward... I was devastated and gave up all my hope for her. But my mind inscribed a song, I found meaningful, to represent her. The song is "suppose" by secondhand serenade. This is the 3rd song that represented a girl. 1st song was "perfect" by Hedley, 2nd song is "need you now" and "just a kiss" by Lady anebellum. Each song represented a girl. However, no matter what I wrote or said about forgetting her, my mind just keep thinking about her. Hope she's doing good. I know I won't hers and she won't be mine. Hope her future boyfriend or husband will love her forever and always.
There's this last girl I ever want to court. Her name is weiwei! Some people say that she is fat, but what I saw in her is curvy. Her hostile attitude and the sweetness towards her friends, families and pets which makes me wanna know more about this girl. Yes she's older than me by 1 year, and yes she preferred someone older than her. But I'll like to take the risk and try to know her more and hopefully ask her out. I planned 2 gifts for her: 1st gift is a cross stitch and 2nd gift is a knitted plushie. Both theme is chip and dale. That's her favourite characters and show. But I can't draw out time to learn and gather the material. Everything is too rush as I'm preparing for army...
I tried to get a conversation by trying to share my time in army but seems she's not interested after I sent her. I feel so useless in terms of courting girls. I can't keep the conversation going and I somehow always contradicte myself. I have the guts to ask a question without thinking. But when I read back the question, I'll always cockblock myself by replying all the negative answer...
Aarrrggghhhh nvm! Next time bloggy! Nighty! :)